MATCH TRIES TO PULL ME BACK IN..AND MORE POF MESSAGES
Apparently my profile has still been getting some attention while I've been away, which is actually quite interesting to me really. Why bother to like my photo, favorite me, or send me a message when clearly I'm no longer active? It shows that I'm inactive, right?
So, out of curiosity I log back in to Match.com and this lovely message appears: "You have 37
emails waiting for a response!" My profile has been viewed 10,118 times. Best of all, I have this very tempting offer being thrown at me:
 |
| Pay 25% less to meet a bunch of dildos. What a deal! |
I DIDN'T EXACTLY MEET QUALITY MEN ON MATCH
To be fair, I haven't met ANYBODY on POF. I'm three weeks in, and at this point on Match I had already met like 4 guys. Shitty guys, but still. FOUR. But let's summarize my Match.com experience in one liners, shall we:
SUBJECT ONE: Seacrest out; the disappearing man
SUBJECT TWO: Too Fast, Too Furious, Too Little
SUBJECT THREE: Forgotten wallet and a few fries short of a Happy Meal
SUBJECT FOUR: All aboard the crazy train!
SUBJECT FIVE: Surprise, no pants!
SUBJECT SIX: My clone, with a penis (maybe)
SUBJECT SEVEN: No Aquaman, I will not touch your trident
Hmm, actually, now that I look back at the data, it seems to have gotten progressively worse over time.
WHY NO DATES FROM POF?
SUBJECT ONE: Seacrest out; the disappearing man
SUBJECT TWO: Too Fast, Too Furious, Too Little
SUBJECT THREE: Forgotten wallet and a few fries short of a Happy Meal
SUBJECT FOUR: All aboard the crazy train!
SUBJECT FIVE: Surprise, no pants!
SUBJECT SIX: My clone, with a penis (maybe)
SUBJECT SEVEN: No Aquaman, I will not touch your trident
Hmm, actually, now that I look back at the data, it seems to have gotten progressively worse over time.
 |
| These guys suck. This is bullshit. |
WHY NO DATES FROM POF?
It's not that I haven't been trying, really. I don't have a whole lot to work with here. Look at this shit:
MESSAGE: "Meow meow"
PROFILE HEADLINE: Yeezus, SD to LA!
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: I'd be a Mexican if I could
MESSAGE: "Hey"
PROFILE HEADLINE: I don't bite hard. promise :)
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: Luckily im not a boy.I am a man...im looking for a confident women, one who likes to takes risks, one who looks for adventures, one eho loves and cares, one who can be very sweet when needed too but also blunt and honest when necessary, one who will push me to my limits, and main of all has respect. :)
MESSAGE: "awe man you have too be fun!!!"
PROFILE HEADLINE: lost fish !!.... needs a home!
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: lady's i am just looking for the simple things in life laugh love and live .. ha ha, just looking for some one sweet devoted loving carrying down to earth chill ,,i am easy going for the most part , i do have a beautiful 3yr old little girl although she is not living with me i love here to death no baby momma drama i promise they are in las vegas
MESSAGE: "Ok, no picking you up from the Batcave but what about in my arms ;) seriously.... do you mind being picked up? Piggyback rides etc? I do think you are a giant handful of awesome! Im speechless. LOVE LOVE LOVE your profile. And you are sooooo damn gorgeous! Wow! Did you see Man of Steel? Gotta know what you thought. So many questions to ask you."
PROFILE HEADLINE: The answer is YES. I DO. Give GREAT hugs
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: Although I look 30 & feel 19, I just turned 40 on December 18th but, the age I have posted on my profile is the only way I could be exposed to a selection of fish that were a bit younger.
MESSAGE: "hi dollface whats up"
PROFILE HEADLINE: looking for love in all the wrong places!
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: Goals are to be a millionare by the time im 33.
i will tell you more when you message me I really dont know what to write on here so i'll leave it be for now... NOT A HIPSTER by any means hippedy hippedy doo dah yeah
HOW RUDE
So I thought for a moment that I had a potential POF date. The one and only POF date. He messages me the following:
"You should never put ice cream and cupcakes on your face, they should generally go in your face. Also, you're a giant. What sing alongs am I required to know, I don't do well with scary-oke."
Hmmm. He's not bad looking. I'd offer you an excerpt from his profile, but soon you'll understand why I cannot. I reply to him with something along the lines of "That's a rather odd first message, but if the idea was to get my attention, then well played sir. Well played." And then I asked him about this weird Crayola looking timepiece on his wrist and asked if it came out of a Happy Meal.
This was the response:
"Haha I could stick with the Hi my name is.. Slim Shady and How are you today route, but that's a little too run of the mill for me, and yes I dole out my fair amount of sarcasm Ms. Jolly Green Giant.
No happy meal watches here! I do have an affinity for unique watches though, takes a long time to look for the right ones you'll never find on anyone else. The multi-colored one is made by a designer JC/DC. I had to switch over from cars to watches after I blew a headgasket on my Supra's engine. This turns out to be a slightly less expensive hobby :p
How'd you turn out to be the girl that has every guy's inner hobbies of cars, video games, and comics, while still working out and being an attractive girl?"
And then the following day, he deleted his profile.
Well, I haven't given up yet. Ladies and gentlemen, I will find ONE damn date out of this POF site! And then we can finally move on to the next site, which I'm thinking will be OK Cupid. What kind of experiment would this be if I didn't have a variety of sources and data points to analyze?!
MESSAGE: "Meow meow"
PROFILE HEADLINE: Yeezus, SD to LA!
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: I'd be a Mexican if I could
MESSAGE: "Hey"
PROFILE HEADLINE: I don't bite hard. promise :)
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: Luckily im not a boy.I am a man...im looking for a confident women, one who likes to takes risks, one who looks for adventures, one eho loves and cares, one who can be very sweet when needed too but also blunt and honest when necessary, one who will push me to my limits, and main of all has respect. :)
MESSAGE: "awe man you have too be fun!!!"
PROFILE HEADLINE: lost fish !!.... needs a home!
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: lady's i am just looking for the simple things in life laugh love and live .. ha ha, just looking for some one sweet devoted loving carrying down to earth chill ,,i am easy going for the most part , i do have a beautiful 3yr old little girl although she is not living with me i love here to death no baby momma drama i promise they are in las vegas
MESSAGE: "Ok, no picking you up from the Batcave but what about in my arms ;) seriously.... do you mind being picked up? Piggyback rides etc? I do think you are a giant handful of awesome! Im speechless. LOVE LOVE LOVE your profile. And you are sooooo damn gorgeous! Wow! Did you see Man of Steel? Gotta know what you thought. So many questions to ask you."
PROFILE HEADLINE: The answer is YES. I DO. Give GREAT hugs
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: Although I look 30 & feel 19, I just turned 40 on December 18th but, the age I have posted on my profile is the only way I could be exposed to a selection of fish that were a bit younger.
MESSAGE: "hi dollface whats up"
PROFILE HEADLINE: looking for love in all the wrong places!
QUALITY PROFILE EXCERPT: Goals are to be a millionare by the time im 33.
i will tell you more when you message me I really dont know what to write on here so i'll leave it be for now... NOT A HIPSTER by any means hippedy hippedy doo dah yeah
 |
| Now imagine that about 300 times. |
HOW RUDE
So I thought for a moment that I had a potential POF date. The one and only POF date. He messages me the following:
"You should never put ice cream and cupcakes on your face, they should generally go in your face. Also, you're a giant. What sing alongs am I required to know, I don't do well with scary-oke."
Hmmm. He's not bad looking. I'd offer you an excerpt from his profile, but soon you'll understand why I cannot. I reply to him with something along the lines of "That's a rather odd first message, but if the idea was to get my attention, then well played sir. Well played." And then I asked him about this weird Crayola looking timepiece on his wrist and asked if it came out of a Happy Meal.
This was the response:
"Haha I could stick with the Hi my name is.. Slim Shady and How are you today route, but that's a little too run of the mill for me, and yes I dole out my fair amount of sarcasm Ms. Jolly Green Giant.
No happy meal watches here! I do have an affinity for unique watches though, takes a long time to look for the right ones you'll never find on anyone else. The multi-colored one is made by a designer JC/DC. I had to switch over from cars to watches after I blew a headgasket on my Supra's engine. This turns out to be a slightly less expensive hobby :p
How'd you turn out to be the girl that has every guy's inner hobbies of cars, video games, and comics, while still working out and being an attractive girl?"
And then the following day, he deleted his profile.
 |
| Seriously? What the shit kind of move is that? |
Well, I haven't given up yet. Ladies and gentlemen, I will find ONE damn date out of this POF site! And then we can finally move on to the next site, which I'm thinking will be OK Cupid. What kind of experiment would this be if I didn't have a variety of sources and data points to analyze?!
 |
| A shitty half-assed experiment is what that would be, Green Lantern. And Batman doesn't tolerate that shit. |
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