POF MESSAGES PART V

PLENTY OF CRAPPY FISH

Seriously, whose idea was it to sign up to this site?

Shit, I'm gonna die alone.

This is bloody awful, really. I've replied to ONE guy so far, and it was only to let him know what type of wheels I have on my car.

TWENTY ONE: PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON
“Hello. I'm new to the area because I took an offer at a firm here. I like it so far.. Anyway you're extremely beautiful and seem really cool from your profile. Do you like it here? Hope we can talk more :) -[Name] PS I am dead serious you are possibly the most gorgeous woman in all La"

Oh my, am I the fairest of them all? The only picture on this guy's profile is one of his chest and abdomen and if it went any further down we'd get to see his wang. Am I sensing a trend here? Men without pants. Seriously guys. Pants, back on. Now.

The only thing on his profile is the following:
"i try to be really productive... and i think
going through the motions is the most disadvantageous thing you can do.

you can say "oh i went to the gym today, so i am better off because of this.."
...but the question you need to ask is what did you DO and the gym today and HOW did you do it? :)"

I don't know what you do at the gym, but whatever it is, I hope you do it with pants on.

TWENTY TWO: YOU ARE NOT CHUCK NORRIS
“Hey I'm [Not Chuck Norris]! Just saw you on here and wanted to let you know that when I do push ups I push the ground down! Yes, just like Chuck Norris! lol I'm a pretty fun confident guy who likes to have a GREAT time! So, wanna get crazy and get to know each other ??”

For shits and giggles, let's check out his profile.
"Hey what's up pofers?! I am [Name] and this is my about me section!!!! I like long walk on the beach, wine tasting and classical music lol JOKING!

I'm a military officer who enjoys having a great time with friends, boating, the beach, VEGAS, I like any kind of music really (mostly country) and I like riding my Ninja :)

I'm looking for a relationship right now and can't wait to get started. after the Army I plan opening my own business and make tons of cash!"

He's a Military Officer who uses LOL often and has his mouth open in most of his pictures, like he's woo-ing....a woo-girl military man. Didn't know that was a thing.

TWENTY THREE: CREEPER
“The things I'd do to you can't be legal lol just being honest hope that didn't come off creepy"

What? That's not the least bit creepy.

TWENTY FOUR: DON'T BE CONCEDED
“cute smile ;-) please dont be shallow conceded racist or stuck up like 99% of the females on here.. lol”

Oh you know I HAVE to check out his profile. One of his pictures attached to the message is what I assume to be his vehicle: a 2013 Honda Civic with big giant racing stripes along the entire topside. That thing must be fast.

His profile reads as follows:
"It seems like every fish here big & small cute or not at all likes to swim in the shallow end in here... never judge a book by its cover cuss youll end up reading a crappy book...I know im not the cutest or sexiest or tallest fish in here but ill give all the funny and smart fish a run for their money lol.. im not very photogenic.. in pics ive been told im an average 7 but in person im a solid 9 add a point for an awesome personality.. well u know basic math atleast I hope u do.. lol. ..enough of the cheesy metaphors..if u wanna chat hmu ;-)"

Such a great writer. By the way, he's not a seven in his photos. More like a seven minus five. Oh look at that, I do know basic math.

TWENTY FIVE: TRANSLATE PLEASE
“ just to think of you like cars make me drive crazy ;) .."

I'm sorry, I don't speak in moron. But I gotta click the profile...

"i think the best way to be succesful and happy its to be a good person and never forget to appreciate ! KARMA .
anyway im looking forward to meet the woman and i say again WOMAN that gonna make me the most happiest guy in the world .
i can promise , im never disappoints !
Never say no , before you know ;)"

MORE WONDERFUL DELIGHTS FROM POF
So, there's a section on the site that says "MEET ME" and you can click to see who wants to meet you. I guess these are the fools who don't wanna send you a message but just want you to know that they are interested? Or is this perhaps the classifieds section for booty calls and bang meetups?

It's come to this.

This man has the headline, "I am a real jerk. Read my about me carefully"

Alright, let's read it, shall we? I don't know about you, but I certainly am looking to meet a real jerk.

"I am kind of an jerk...How do I know? Women in the past told me that, women in the present tell me that & you will probably tell me that in the near future (If we ever date that is).
....

If you are sane enough to message a real jerk here are some rules to follow -

Rule 1- All my conversations will either make you awfully joyful or painstakingly mad. Only contact me if you can handle it.

Rule 2- I am like a real life "Energizer Bunny" so I expect a lot of energy in return. I can't stand lame, boring responses such as Hi, How are you, How's life, What's up? Well the sky is up...Go figure.

Rule 3- Do not talk about sex. Don't ask me why, but it's a rule is strictly follow. UPDATE - I WOULD NOT HAVE SEX AT ALL. SORRY! I DON'T SEEK PHYSICAL SATISFACTION.

Rule 4 - Don't contact me to tell me I am an A-HOLE. I already know that, no need to remind me again.

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IMPORTANT - DO NOT CONTACT ME IF...
=============================
1- Your star sign is Taurus, Gemini or Scorpio.

2- If you have been on a date with more than 3 men from this website.

3- If you are a stalker.

4- If you got a boob job done and have a picture flaunting your tits on your profile.

5- If you dress up like a barbie with a lot of makeup.

6- Your looks don't matter to me...As long as you can hold a high energy/interesting conversation, that's all I am after.
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If you have properly read the above instructions & feel you meet the required criteria. You may message me any time & I'd welcome you like a fat kid welcomes a cheese cake."

So....you're an asexual incel? Is that what I was supposed to gather from that profile?