BUMBLE BUTT

BUMBLE IS BETTER THAN TINDER?
Or so I've been told. My understanding is that the top tier dating app is Hinge and the bottom tier is Tinder. Bumble is somewhere in between. Somethin' like this:

TOP: Hinge (For more mature singles looking for serious relationships, allegedly)
> Coffee Meets Bagel (For singles seeking quality over quantity, allegedly)

> Bumble (For bored singles passing time... I think? Also ladies have to initiate the convo)
BOTTOM: Tinder (For ego boosts and hook ups, allegedly)
NOT EVEN ON THE RADAR IT SEEMS: Match, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish

I feel like Bumble has been about as effective for me as this would be. "C'mon guys, come get yer butt nuggets!"

LADIES FIRST
I signed up for Bumble not realizing that the woman has to initiate a conversation and that once you "match" you have a limited amount of time to start up a chat before it "expires." Men can still "like" you but they can't say words at you unless you like them back in which case it's a "match" and then you, the female, still have to initiate the conversation. 

On one hand, this is an improvement over the ridiculous number of messages I used to get on Match and POF. The vast majority of messages received were from guys that I had no interest in anyway and/or contained inappropriate or unwanted statements/questions. 

Additionally, the timer forces you to make up your goddamn mind and actually start a conversation or pass. One might feel compelled to leave a person in their queue while spending days pondering if they like them or trying to figure out what to say. 

Well, he is within your desired age range, but he's 5 miles outside of the radius you selected. What to do, what to do.....

I'd recommend avoiding the overthinking when it comes to swiping right or left. Otherwise you won't get much out of these stupid apps because you'll always be in this limbo that you've put yourself in because you refuse to make a decision. If you're interested, swipe right and be done with it. If the guy "matches" with ya, send a message, start up a chat and maybe even go out on a date. 

What if he sucks though? Well, there are 7.9 billion people on this planet, just pick another one and try again.

REPORT CARDS
Back in the day when I was on Match.com, I would receive what I often referred to as report cards telling me how great of a week I was having. It was basically a snapshot of stats like the number of profile views, likes, messages and whatever other shit that you received in that week. 

Hinge doesn't do anything of the like (not that I know of anyway) but Bumble over here likes to send emails with the same wording just about everyday to tell you how great you are.

I feel valued and appreciated.

This is followed by a snapshot of your most recent "admirers" or dudes that swiped right on you. If you use the free version of the app, their faces are blurred out and you basically have no access to them. Can't see their profile or swipe right to start a chat. Nothing. The paid version allows you to see these mystery men and swipe right, left, up or down (just kidding, only right and left apparently). 

I guess it's nice to know there are multiple mystery men interested?

I've noticed that it always says "+7" and I'm not really sure if that means I'm getting 7 new likes each time I get an email or if Bumble is just telling me that there are at least 7 other mystery men who have liked me at some point.

Also it seems that the maximum amount of "likes" you can have is 50. Or at least that's the highest number that will show up in your notifications. I'm not really sure what happens beyond that. Do the oldest "likes" just get deleted to make room for the new ones so that you are always seeing 50 mystery men at a time? Oh well.

PAY TO PLAY
My first month on Bumble, I  got suckered in to paying for a month of the "premium" version. This unlocks features such as being able to actually see who has liked you and send a message. It also allows for extending matches though. 

Say you swiped right on some dude but haven't started up a chat with him yet. 24 hours passes because you're busy having a life and now this match has expired and you can no longer talk to the guy. Well, if you have the premium version you can extend the timer to add another 24 hours (I think it's 24 hours, don't quote me on that) and boom! Second chance granted.

And if you're not sure how to start a convo, Bumble has you covered. There's a button for "Say hello" that automatically sends the guy a random gif that conveys "hello!"

NOT WORTH IT
For me anyway. Sure, premium allows me to see the men who have swiped right on me, but 98% of them are guys that just aren't my type. Additionally, in my experience, there's quite a bit of overlap between Hinge and Bumble so you'll likely end up seeing a lot of the same people on both apps. What I'm sayin' is, if you can see them and "like" them on Hinge for free, then don't be a dumbass and pay to do the same shit on Bumble. 

And the guys on Bumble who are not on Hinge? In my case, those guys have been your typical fuckboys. This is why I question how Bumble is better than Tinder. At least with Tinder you know that you're going to fuckboy central. On Bumble it seems the fuckboys are disguised as men seeking relationships. 

I fell for it again, the ol' bait and switch.