DATE SIX PART II

CONTINUED
To recap, Me2 is tryin' real hard to force parallels and connections between us where I believe none may exist. Let’s get into the actual date.

BORING!
We walk towards the restaurant and at this point I’ve realized that Me2 is walking with a slight hunch and has his hands in his pockets. We get to the front door, and guess who opens the door? I do. And I hold it open for him.

I am a goddamn gentleman.

We sit our asses down and the talk begins. I’m already disappointed that I’m being more of a gentleman than he is. But now that we are in good lighting, I can see his eyes and they are a delightful shade of green, yet there’s something off about them. What is it? As the night goes on, it becomes more apparent what’s wrong with the eyes. They move around a lot. Is this man lying or just nervous? 

Try having a conversation with somebody who agrees with EVERYTHING that you say. It's super boring. I mention the shows I like to watch, things my friends and I do for fun, etc. and everything that I like he claims to like as well. Even his friends are allegedly real similar to my friends. Can this man contribute anything original to this conversation?! 

So you're me with a dick?

I talk about some of the fears that I have and wouldn't ya know it? He is afraid of the same shit. This is worse than having a conversation with myself- at least I disagree with some of the shit I say, which then starts a debate with myself. This guy is spectacularly dull and he just agrees with everything that I say.

DIG DEEPER
It's barely 9pm but I'm bored silly with the yes man, so now let’s have some fun. Let’s find out just how psychologically screwed up you are inside that disheveled little head, shall we? So let’s poke around.

I start by talking about my family and then begin shoving food in my face. That means I’m done talking for now and this is your turn to speak. 

This area is called the mouth. Words come out of it. Try it.

So his parents are divorced, he doesn’t really get along with his mother who lives in another state and doesn’t really speak with her. His father lives in a different country and is still some big shot for the industry he works in. He tells me that he gets along better with girls than guys because he grew up with two sisters. I interject a comment here, and say “Ohh you get along better with girls and I get along better with guys- most of my friends are in fact, male."  

FINALLY A DIFFERENCE! (Oh wait, or is that just another similarity in that most of our friends are of the opposite sex? Goddammit…..)

He also tells me that he graduated high school early. (Oh, are you genius of some sorts?) He got into a fist fight at school and ended up punching a teacher and was kindly asked to leave….. As a reward, his father bought him a classic 60's muscle car for his first car. 

And since we are now talking about cars, he says that at one point he had a Supra. One of the most wanted sports cars of the 90's and this fool totaled it only two days into ownership. I don't think he realizes that these really aren’t things to be proud of.

Bruh, these are not things to brag about.

SO, WHY MATCH?
Alright, let's change the topic here before you continue listing reasons that you're a spoiled dumbass for some reason. I ask him why he's on Match.

He tells me that his uncle paid for his Match subscription and set up his profile. His UNCLE. Does this guy do anything for himself? I forgot to mention that he said he was going shopping for a BMW M3 with his uncle, the same uncle I assume. Is that uncle buying him an M3? What the actual fuck!?

He tells me this uncle set up his entire profile and he doesn’t even know what pictures are on it, aside from the main profile picture.

I’m done. I tell him I joined Match as a social experiment and nothing more. We walk out of the restaurant, give another awkward hug and I jog over to my vehicle. I can’t drive away fast enough. I really can’t- the hybrid motor doesn’t allow for this vehicle to go very fast.

OUTCOME
He texts me immediately afterwards and he seems to think the date went well. The following day he sends another text saying we should get together this week after work. I don’t respond to either text (again, following the tips from male friends). He hasn’t sent any further texts or messages.

NEXT?