DATE 3 AND 4 BACK FOR MORE

REALLY?
Ya, really. Date 3 was the Bachelor (the guy who forgot his wallet and brought me as a date to a birthday party of a girl who likes him) and Date 4 was the Boss man (the overly touchy one with braces who is attracted to crazy Bs) and both have returned, via text message. Let’s start with the Bachelor.

A few days ago, I get a text from him asking me if I’d like to go out on Saturday. He attempts to pull off a joke by saying “My roommate is going out of town if you’d like to come over and finish what we started last time, wink wink” but then he becomes frightened that I may take it the wrong way and sends another text immediately after that says he was totally joking and hopes that I didn’t get offended. 

Well, my silence must have scared him even further because he follows that up with a message saying that was a joke and he hopes I took it that way. The only reason I hadn’t responded quickly was because he sent the messages while I was making my trek home from work. Fool. He was freaking out for nothing. (Is this an indicator that he’s actually trying NOT to screw up anymore?). 

I respond and assure him that I wasn’t offended and that I'll need to get back to him because I may have other plans for that night. (I really had no concrete plans but I didn’t want to commit to anything just yet). 

Later in the week, he texts me that he needs to meet with somebody on Saturday for a possible lead and stresses the importance of going, as he may be jobless very soon. I say that’s OK, and think to myself that since he may be jobless and he has no backup plan, he’s probably not the best choice, even if he is pretty.

You had me at jobless.

Then there’s the Boss man. I tried to avoid any physical contact and even shut this man down at the end of the night when he tried to kiss me. I also straight up told him that I was gonna date other people and yet he didn’t quite get the message. Upon reflection, I should have just outright told him that I am not attracted to him.

He texts me on Thursday to ask how I’m doing and I’m pretty sure if I respond, his follow-up question will be if I'm coming to his Memorial Day BBQ to meet his friends. So, I do what I’ve been told is the best way to handle a guy you’re not interested in, and I don’t respond. (Nowadays that's just called ghosting)

Three days pass and no further texts were received. *whew!* Still, words cannot describe the amount of shock when I received a message from him after the shut down on the second date. Don't be so desperate bro.

I'm not playing hard to get, I'm actually unattainable. To you.

HOLIDAY RUSH
Nothing says romance like Memorial Day. This weekend alone I’ve received approximately 30 messages. Here are a couple of highlights:

- Multiple messages came from men 40 and older (No. Just no.)

- Multiple messages came from guys quite a bit younger than me (Not really interested in boys..) 

- A few of the messages read “You’re so sexy, you’re so hot” etc. Guess Memorial Day really brings out the horny ones?

But one message really stood out to me this weekend. I couldn’t make this shit up:

“OMG you are seriously so perfect, I really don’t know what else to say...Please respond back, this is the first time I actually got excited on match (not in that way!).”

He sent a second message that reads as follows:

“/sigh. Awwwww. Please say something, even if it’s a f*** off or not interested lol.”

Finally, he sent a third message that reads:

“give me a chance plz? Ask me some nerd trivia, if I answer right will it kinda turn u on? Lol jk”

Fascinating. With each additional message, his spelling and grammar became worse and worse. Is that a side effect of desperation? Just out of curiosity, I clicked this man’s profile. (Great, now he’s going to think I’m interested). He’s divorced with two kids and not my type.

Tempting, but I'm not in the market for instant kids.