DATE FOUR CONTINUED

ALL ABOARD THE CRAZY TRAIN

Alright, it's the second date with the Boss and we decide to see a movie.

 
In the theater, everything is going well. I’m enjoying the film, the temperature is just right and we’ve got good seats. Awesome! But then, out of nowhere, a hand appears on my knee. And now this hand is squeezing my knee. I lean over and ask “Um, are you scared or something, is that why you’re squeezing my knee?” and he says “Oh yes terrified”…. And we continue watching the movie. 

My legs are crossed, and the leg that’s underneath is starting to fall asleep and hurt a bit. This is now interfering with my movie watching experience, and I don’t like it. Thankfully, somebody to my left decides to go get snacks and we have to move our legs to let them pass by. YES! His hand has been removed, I can finally uncross my legs and allow some feeling to return to my numb leg. I cross my legs the other way now, and I’m back to enjoying my cinematic sci-fi adventure. Then the hand returns.

Dammit it’s back!

Fine, whatever, if that floats your boat go for it buddy. At least my leg isn’t asleep anymore and I can go back to enjoying the movie, which I do thoroughly enjoy. 

Once it ends, he asks what else I’ve got going on for the night and if I'd like to grab a drink. Sure, let’s do that. I could use a drink. (Shit, I foresee a “Match also turned me into an alcoholic” post in my future)

Since we are in my area this time, I offer to drive us down the road a bit and to a bar I love. I notice at this point that he’s gone from ZERO touch on the last date to OVERLOAD on the touching on this date. Every chance he gets, he’s touching my arm, my leg, my hand, my shoulder. And the more it’s happening, the more I’m thinking “I gotta shut this down." 

Personality-wise, he seems pretty cool and is easy to talk to, yet I still feel uncomfortable. So what the hell is the problem then? Only one way to find out.

We get our drinks at the bar and I now realize that the metal braces might be causing an issue here. I look at him and I’m seeing a little boy regardless of his facial hair and the deep voice. The metal braces are screwing things up there. On top of that, he's a little dude at only 5’7”. Alright, time to scare him away.

BRING ON THE CRAZY
I start talking about exes, including my most recent one. He mentions that I like to talk about exes a lot because apparently I did this on the first date too. I let him know that I work with my most recent ex and I see him all the time at the office.  

Let’s kick this up a few notches. I ask him if he has mommy issues because he said he had an estranged relationship with his mother. Damn, he’s laughing and still using every possible excuse to touch my arm. He seems to be enjoying this!

You know what, screw it. Let’s just tell the truth then. I let him know that I am purposely making this date super awkward to see how he reacts and I explain that I feel like online dating has turned me into a compulsive liar. I tell him my first impression of him, based on our first date and the text messages, was that he was a goody two shoes with deep rooted mommy issues. (Oh COME ON that HAS to be a turn off) 

Still laughing, he says he's gonna try to make it awkward for me. Try me. So he starts talking about his exes now, and one in particular who was crazy. He tells me that girls in general are crazy and then explains how this one was super crazy. I tell him that men like the crazy ones apparently and he says, "sometimes, yes, because they are usually good in bed." Ah, we’re going there are we? Let’s talk about herpes then. That’s right, Herpes. I don’t have them, I don’t know if he has them, but usually just saying the word Herpes makes people uncomfortable. 

But not this guy. He laughs some more and then shifts topics and asks about the color in my hair.

"Wait, wasn’t your hair blonde last time?" “Yeah, my hair color changes on a daily basis, much like my personality”

I just tell him straight forward now that I'm viewing this whole Match deal as a bit of a social experiment. I even tell him that I’ve changed up my approach on Match and have gone from sorting through the endless messages to initiating contact with guys to see how the results differ. (This HAS to be a huge red flag, right? He’s going to want to run at this point, right?) Naw, he likes it.

And then he asks me what I’m doing next weekend because he’s throwing a BBQ and I’m invited. Um, what?! After all this he wants to see me again and wants me to meet his friends? Damn, you that lonely huh?

PERSISTENCE DOES NOT PAY OFF 

Around 1am I tell him it’s time to roll out and I give him a lift back to his car. He thanks me for a good time, says it was a lot of fun and that now he’d like to gauge how it went, so he is going to try to kiss me. (Thanks for the verbal warning, now I can verbally shut you down before you even attempt it). I say no thanks. And yet, he still says he’ll talk to me soon and to let him know about Saturday.

Slow down buddy, let's take this to the previous level.

FINAL THOUGHTS 

I tried to be undesirable and hope that he would run away, but he told me that he liked how both of us are messed up. I did inform him that I am still using Match for fun, I don’t want anything serious, and I  will continue to date other people. I was very straight forward and made sure not to lead him on. If he wants to be a fool though, well, I can’t stop that.