MATCH MESSAGES PART II

OF COURSE THERE’S MORE

Gumby gold, chicks love gumby gold.

SIX: THE APOSTROPHE
“Just saying, you might have one of the most fun profiles on here ; ) I mean, who doesn’t like ninja’s?”

Improper use of the apostrophe. I understand it's minor, but it’s a real pet peeve of mine. Otherwise, this message is just meh.

SEVEN: I WON'T GO OUT WITH YOU BECAUSE..
“Reasons you probably won’t go out with me.
1. My ability to ability to balances innate manliness and complete nerdiness may intimidated you beyond belief…
2. I’m more beast than man. I find myself most at peace perched on a tree branch or leaping from rock to Rock over a babbling stream, not in a loud, packed club full of the rabble of hipsters. Though when I get a few drinks in me I become, literally, the best dancer ever.
3. I’m addicted to exercise and activities. I exercise all too much, but unconventionally. I run down mountains. I shoot arrows better than I do hoops. I can arts and craft the shit out of something.
[Name]”

Well this is a different approach! Providing the reasons that I won’t go out with him, as opposed to giving me reasons why I should go out with him!

But reading the actual message, he clearly did not proofread before sending- “my ability to ability to balances”... I’m cringing while reading it and autocorrecting it in my mind. 

Getting past that, he claims to be more beast than man, yet his pictures portray him as a scrawny man with a baby face. He kind of reminds me of Ron Weasley. I was always more of a Harry fan than a Ron fan. Sorry.

You, sir, are correct. I won't go out with you, but not for those reasons.

EIGHT: TOUR GUIDE
“I am moving in a few weeks. Other than people from work I don't really know anyone there, so am hoping to meet a friend that would help me get familiar with the city. I am looking forward to finding my new favorite restaurants, bars, beach spots, parks, etc. I have reallocated often. I have lived in Mexico City, Dallas, Orlando, New York, Atlanta....
It would be an honor to get to know you. You really seem like a very open minded fun person. If anything it would be great to have a friend in a new city, Would you like to talk to get to know each other?
Thank you very much for your time.
[Name].”

That sounds delightful, but I'm too busy being fabulous to be your tour guide. At least he was polite about it though. I'll give him that.

NINE: AND YOU ARE?
“Thanks for winking, looks like we are off to a great start. You look like a fun person …..[it goes on, but I’ll stop there]”

My only purpose for including this one is because I don’t recall winking at this man. Hmmm. Forgettable.

TEN: MULTIPLE CHOICE
“Hmmm. I’m sure you’ve been busy with work, and that’s why you haven’t gotten back to me. So I’ve prepared some replies to you that you can cut and paste and send back to me. [Oh, how thoughtful! And you are….?]

Reply 1: Yes, [screenname], you are very hot, and unfortunately your email was lost in the sea of dipshits that have been emailing me. But yes, I would love to kick it sometime.

Reply 2: Yes, [screenname], you are very hot, but I’ve been too busy to get back to you. I’ll get back to you in the next couple of days.

Reply 3: Yes, [screenname], you are very hot, but I’ve actually met someone from match, but he seems kinda lame, so I’ll probably be hitting you up soon.
Reply 4: Yes, [screenname], you are very hot, but you are not my type. Good luck in your search.

Reply 5: I don’t think any of this is funny, I take myself way too seriously, and I actually have to go now because I have a therapy appointment…but yes, you are very hot.”

Riddle me this motherfucker.

This man gets credit for creativity, I’ll give him that. I was advised by some friends that I am a jackass for not responding to his first message because apparently this one has potential. So, very well then, I shall respond. 

Thankfully, the man was considerate enough to write out a response for me. I think all of them should give me multiple choice responses; it would make this so much easier.