DATE FOUR

DATE FOUR- ANOTHER SCREW UP

Alright, let’s call this guy Boss. (Not for the reasons you’re probably thinking, but simply because this man has the same name as my boss at work. My female boss. Awesome.)

He’s a little on the short side, but I’m willing to let this go because he kind of looks like Jeff from 98 Degrees. Yeah, I referenced a boy band from the 90’s. And yes, I like to compare these men to celebrities because it helps me remember what they look like dammit. Moving on!

Shit, wait, which one are you?

PRE DATE
This one starts off with a message about... crap hang on, I don’t remember. Let me check....

Ah yes yes, ok so this one sent me a message about how being a ninja would be awesome and blah blah blah we talk about dumb shit and by the 7th message, he provides his number. Hot damn! It only took the other guys, what- 2 to 3 messages to throw the number out there, but with this one, it took a whopping 7!

He says we should meet up Saturday, in the DAY. This is different. Ok. Sure thing buddy, I’ll meet you downtown at 3pm. (For reference, this is on a Saturday after my Friday night date with the Bachelor- yes, I booked two dates back to back. And a third one is about to be booked for later that night because I am a dumbass who has vastly overestimated my energy levels.)

YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME
It's 15 past 3:00 and I’m sitting in my car stuck in downtown traffic. I text the Boss to let him know what’s the haps. No problem, take your time. Well, I have no choice buddy, because my car doesn’t fly (at least not that I know of), so I’m going to be sitting here for a while. 

Vehicle navigation voice: Turn right ahead.
Me: I’d love to, but apparently that street is closed today.
Vehicle Navigation: Re-routing..... Take the next right onto X Street
Me: Alright. *ten minutes later, because downtown traffic sucks balls* Oh, look at that, this street is also apparently closed today.
Vehicle Navigation: Re-routing.....make 3 lefts in a row and arrive back at the first street I told you to make a right on.
Me: This street is still closed today and I don’t think that cop will allow me to just go through.
Vehicle Navigation: Well, I’m not going to re-route you around this street because I do not understand that this street is closed today for what appears to be some kind of filming.
Me: (string of cuss words that do not make sense when combined)

It’s now about 3:45 by the way. I’m 45 minutes late to this date. Is this guy still even at the place we were going to meet?! Crap. I should call him.

Hi. I've been sitting in my car for the last 45 minutes making a bunch of left turns. I'm not an idiot, I swear.

Hey, he’s still there! He stays on the phone with me until I find the parking structure. In the background, you hear my Navigation still trying to tell me to make a right turn on a street that I cannot, and then I yell at it, because at that moment, I forget the fact that he’s on the phone and can hear me yelling at my Navigation. 

So I’m an hour late, I look like an idiot and I sound crazy. I’m off to an awesome start.

MAYBE I AM AN IDIOT? 

I get to the parking structure, he tells me to find him near Target, and the reception drops because I’m in an underground structure. I follow the signs further and further down into the depths of this structure and I park. I head to the elevators, but oh look at that- they don’t work. I press the button and it never comes. 

I turn around and look for the staircase but I don’t see one. I’m sure there is one, but I just couldn’t find it because I was angry. I'm walking up the ramps in the parking structure like an idiot until I get to ground level and find my way out. This is some bull-.....

I MADE IT 

Well dip me in butter and roll me in nuts, I finally meet the Boss. He’s a small guy, not super short, but still a fairly small guy. And he’s got braces. Metal ones. (I looked back at his profile and while none of his photos showed any such braces, he did mention that he had some. Oops. I overlooked that) Whatever, I’m just glad I finally made it.

FOUR HOURS LATER 

We end up talking for FOUR hours. But it feels like 30 minutes has gone by. This doesn't even feel like a date, it’s like I’m just talking to an old buddy or something! Does that mean I’ve friend-zoned him? 

I have analyzed his physical appearance and have decided that if I can look past his facial hair (which, oddly enough makes him look like a 16 year old who is tryin real hard to look older) and his metal braces, then he’s not a bad looking guy. 

I’m just not sure I can look past those things. Oh, and one other thing. He’s got a bad relationship with his mother. Yeah, I asked about that on the first date. Problem?

I'm sorry, does this make you uncomfortable?

I’ve been told that the way a man treats his wife is much like the way he treats his mother. I don’t know how much truth there is to that, but he’s already advised me that his relationship with his mother isn’t so great. He *might* call her for Mother’s Day. If a phone call is that difficult, then that relationship must be real bad. And he doesn’t know his father. 

Good thing I asked that awkward question on the first date that I was one hour late for.