DATE THREE CONTINUES
AND SO DOES THE DISASTER
The Bachelor is texting me like crazy while I’m on Date Four. Don’t worry, I’m not a jackass, I did not check my phone at any point during my four hour date. But once we ended it around 8pm, I did check my phone and found about 6 messages from the Bachelor. He wants to hang out. Tonight.
I tell the Birthday girl nope and the Bachelor finally steps in and introduces me as his friend. But the Birthday girl knows better. I’m looking around for cameras because this has got to be a setup for some reality TV show about the crappiest dates, right? Seriously, they are just trying to mess with me and I’ll get some prize for staying calm for a certain duration of time, right? Please tell me there’s a camera and a prize!
No camera. Just an angry Birthday girl and about 14 strangers looking at me. We grab a chair and try to squeeze in. The Bachelor (seated in his reserved seat next to the Birthday girl) is texting me that he’s so sorry and this is awkward and we will just stay for one drink and then leave. He also says that he didn’t realize she was interested in him and thought she was dating somebody.
I figure I already drove all the way out there and it's late. The guy is a moron but he's still hot and has a great body. So why not?
I’m still deciding. To be continued....
The Bachelor is texting me like crazy while I’m on Date Four. Don’t worry, I’m not a jackass, I did not check my phone at any point during my four hour date. But once we ended it around 8pm, I did check my phone and found about 6 messages from the Bachelor. He wants to hang out. Tonight.
The logical part of me is saying “Nope, I’m tired and I’d much rather go home and play Bioshock for the rest of the evening” but the idiot part of me is saying “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, go for it!” Don’t ask me why I decided to go with the idiot in me because my only response will be “Because of reasons.”
So I do it. I drive out to see him. Wrong move.
I get to his street around 9:30pm and text him to let him know I’ve arrived at my destination, or somewhere very close to. I let him know I’m driving the same vehicle that I was driving last night. He says he will come outside and look for me. I see him, but he doesn’t see me. Seriously, you’ve already forgotten what my car looks like?!
He tells me he’s double booked and totally forgot that he told his friend, who is also his neighbor, that he would stop by her birthday celebration tonight at a bar just down the street. He says he’s so sorry, and asks if I wouldn’t mind just stopping in for one drink so he can make his appearance, and then we can go.
So I do it. I drive out to see him. Wrong move.
I get to his street around 9:30pm and text him to let him know I’ve arrived at my destination, or somewhere very close to. I let him know I’m driving the same vehicle that I was driving last night. He says he will come outside and look for me. I see him, but he doesn’t see me. Seriously, you’ve already forgotten what my car looks like?!
He tells me he’s double booked and totally forgot that he told his friend, who is also his neighbor, that he would stop by her birthday celebration tonight at a bar just down the street. He says he’s so sorry, and asks if I wouldn’t mind just stopping in for one drink so he can make his appearance, and then we can go.
Hold the fuck up, I’ve known you for about a day and you’re already bringing me somewhere to meet some friends?! Alright.
 |
| Alright let's do this then. |
AWKWARD.COM
We arrive at the bar, he’s holding my hand as we walk in (ok, sure I guess?) and we locate the party table. Let me explain this setup for you. It’s a long table towards the back of this bar with about 15 people and the Birthday girl, all dressed up in a fancy lacey little pink cocktail dress, is at the end of the table.
All of the seats are taken, except for ONE. One seat is empty, and it’s right next to the Birthday girl. She sees him walk in and her eyes light up with delight. Then she sees me hiding behind this 6’1” man, and that delight fades. She asks if I’m his roommate.
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| Aww sweetie. I think you already know I'm not his roommate. |
I tell the Birthday girl nope and the Bachelor finally steps in and introduces me as his friend. But the Birthday girl knows better. I’m looking around for cameras because this has got to be a setup for some reality TV show about the crappiest dates, right? Seriously, they are just trying to mess with me and I’ll get some prize for staying calm for a certain duration of time, right? Please tell me there’s a camera and a prize!
No camera. Just an angry Birthday girl and about 14 strangers looking at me. We grab a chair and try to squeeze in. The Bachelor (seated in his reserved seat next to the Birthday girl) is texting me that he’s so sorry and this is awkward and we will just stay for one drink and then leave. He also says that he didn’t realize she was interested in him and thought she was dating somebody.
 |
| Pssst. This just in: you're a dumb shit. |
I order my drink (Hey, he actually brought his wallet this time and he’s paying for it!) and I start talking to the girl next to me. I feel like the creep at the bar trying to hit on a girl but I’m doing my best to make this less awkward and all I talk about the first thing I notice: her shiny watch. I pass some time talkin' to the girl about watches and shit and FINALLY, the time has come for us to leave.
Birthday girl looks pissed. She says her goodbyes to everybody around me, including the Bachelor, and walks right past me givin me the evil eye.
 |
| This bitch mad at me like I'm the dumbass here. Be mad at the idiot you wanna bang so badly! |
Deep down, I know this is making for some excellent writing material for my blog and this comforts me. We walk out, he apologizes again and again for it being so awkward and thanks me for being so cool about it and says he promises he will make it up to me. (Oh god please don't)
We head back to his place, it’s near midnight. We sit on the couch and he tries to make the moves and I allow it for a minute, but then everything is interrupted by the sound of laughter. My laughter. In his face. I can tell he’s been shamed once again; boy won’t stop fidgeting, he’s got nervous laughter (make no mistake, my laughter is not of the nervous variety, my laughter is sincere) and he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Then he asks me what this all means, and what do I want out of this.
We head back to his place, it’s near midnight. We sit on the couch and he tries to make the moves and I allow it for a minute, but then everything is interrupted by the sound of laughter. My laughter. In his face. I can tell he’s been shamed once again; boy won’t stop fidgeting, he’s got nervous laughter (make no mistake, my laughter is not of the nervous variety, my laughter is sincere) and he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Then he asks me what this all means, and what do I want out of this.
 |
| What? He's hot. |
note to self: amazing physical attributes does not equal great sex.
OUTCOME:
The following afternoon he texts me asking if I hate him. Awwww, I don’t hate you, you’re just a dumbass, that’s all. He says he’s heading back home this week for a wedding (and some side-banging I’m sure), and that he would still like to make it up to me when he returns, and take me out on a real date.
OUTCOME:
The following afternoon he texts me asking if I hate him. Awwww, I don’t hate you, you’re just a dumbass, that’s all. He says he’s heading back home this week for a wedding (and some side-banging I’m sure), and that he would still like to make it up to me when he returns, and take me out on a real date.
I’m still deciding. To be continued....
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