WORKING WITH YOUR EX PART III

THE BREAKUP DRAGS ON AND ON

After the explosive fight, he goes to get his stupid haircut, comes back home and tells me that we aren’t right for eachother and we are not “compatible.”

Well no shit Sherlock.

We (mostly me) spend the entirety of this weekend crying. Not gonna lie, he broke the crap outta my heart. He made me believe that there was something there that clearly wasn’t, and he lead me on for months.

But wait, on Sunday night he tells me that he isn’t so sure now if we should break up or not. So now we are in limbo. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but it sucks balls. It’s the epitome of awkward hell.

Somebody is not seeing the elephant in the room.

He’s been holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me, watching TV with me and working out with me. He’s acting like nothing is wrong, smiling and laughing with me. 

What in the goddamn hell is going on here!? Has he gone mad!?! Have I?!? Monday through Wednesday, same shit. He’s smiling more in these 3 days than he’s smiled in the last 3 months. He’s also gone out with his friends on 2 of these 3 days, just doin regular shit like nothing happened.

I, on the other hand, have completely put my life on hold for him. I’m going to work, but anything outside of work I have completely shut down. Thursday rolls around and he throws me a curveball.

I’M IN MY 40’S BUT DON’T KNOW HOW TO BREAK UP WITH A PERSON
Here it is. The Instant Message break-up. I tell him that we should really talk about what is going on at home, because the last week has been very confusing. This fool dances around the subject and now brings up “remember the time when” moments; not shitty moments, these are “it was so great when we…” moments. 

Thursday night he goes out after work. Alright, sure. Run away from your problems and avoid having a grown-up conversation.

It's not you, it's me realizing what a sissy pants douchebag you are.

Friday rolls around. I come home and he’s sitting on the couch, in the dark. This man is a drama queen, and I am not in the mood for his bullshit. So I go about my usual routine and do my best to ignore him. 

Saturday I go to U-Haul and buy some boxes because I’ve had enough of this shit and I’m ready to get this show on the road. Saturday evening, he asks me what I’d like for dinner.

Hmm, so you just gonna keep pretending that nothing is wrong here?! I sit down on the couch next to him and ask him if he’s ever planning to talk to me about the status of our relationship, to which he replies:

“I thought I made it clear that we were over on Thursday.”

HAHAHAHAHA LOL WTF LMAO, oh I’m sorry, was I supposed to interpret your IM at work- the one filled with memories of great times- as your official way of telling me that it’s over?! 

No wonder he’s divorced and has been single for a decade. This motherfucker in his 40's and still don't know how to end a relationship.

You're everything I ever wanted in somebody that I don't want anymore.

It’s officially over. I’m out of this limbo bullshit.