DATING GAME

IT IS A GAME, AFTER ALL

Alright I've signed up, I've paid my $15 (coupons FTW), and I am getting messages without having to do anything. What the hell, I figure I should go on at least a few dates, right? I mean, one date and I'll break even! Let's do this. One week after signing up, I go on 2 dates- One on Friday, one on Saturday. Let's see if they really look like their photos.

SAFETY FIRST

Ladies, it's always good to let a buddy know where you'll be meeting these fools and to provide some information on them, just in case some shit goes down and you need backup. Or, so that somebody can start searching for your body. So, I tell a friend (or two, or three) where I'll be, what time, the guy's name, age, body type/ hair color/ eye color and usually I'll send their profile image over (hey, they MIGHT actually look like their picture).

MESSAGE, THEN TEXT, THEN MEET. MAYBE.
If a guy sends me a message that starts off with, "we should meet up" I shut that down fast. No thanks. Call me crazy, but I think it's better to have some conversation with the guy before meeting him in person. So once we get past that, I’ll consider the idea of meeting somewhere in person.

CHOOSE WISELY
I'm very picky. Extremely picky. Am I shallow? Probably, but I firmly believe there has to be physical attraction for this to work. And it's not like I can physically go out on a date with all of these guys. So, I'm combing through the emails and picking, solely based on profile pics. If they pass the physical test, I'll read the profile. If they don't come off as unintelligent douchebags, then I'll respond to their message. My response rate is only 7% at this point. That's how picky I am.

BODY LANGUAGE/FLIRTING
Ok look, I haven't dated in a while. And when I was dating last, it was with people I already knew; friends (that didn't work), coworkers (worst idea in the history of EVER, seriously don't do that, EVER).

So meeting complete strangers that I've only messaged or texted a few times is a new concept to me. I don't know how to act, or what to say, or where to look, or where to put my hands. This sounds ridiculous, I realize. But these are the things I'm thinking about. 

So what the hell do I do with my hands anyway? Keep em on my lap? On the table? Play with my hair?

Considering the majority of my friends are males, I'm used to saying inappropriate things, talking about headshots in COD, talking about Iron Man 3, or discussing wheels offsets for my car.

I've probably picked up a few masculine habits along the way.

My body language, I'm pretty sure, isn't really saying "Hi, I'm a cute girl who is flirting with you cause I am totally interested" even if I want it to. It's just not natural for me. 

Well whatever, I'll figure that out later. I can improv pretty well.